As a photographer, some tasks are always going to fall to you in your family. For me that given is the funeral slideshow.
How I found myself creating the slide shows
It started as a means to save money on funeral costs years ago but has morphed into a labor of love. Largely because I greatly dislike the plug and play funeral home slideshows with bridges, water, plants and birds. I want to see the people that we are remembering, and not just some stock footage. (This is just a little bit of my control freak side).
Recently my aunt passed away after a long time suffering from illness. This illness caused her personality to shift. As I sat down to work on the slideshow honoring her memory I knew I wanted to focus on the good times.
What she meant to me
One of the things that I remember the most: she loved to laugh. Our family is well known for mischief and she was no exception.
As a child I was often placed in unpleasant situations by my biological father. When my Aunt noticed things getting weird she would bring me to her house to spend the evening with her and my cousin. Those nights were escapes from often frightening situations. As an adult I have tried to follow this example with friends’ kids when thought the tension was getting too high with the adults.
She worked to keep a family connection with me. As a teen I cut ties with my biological father, and this made my life much more stable. In spite of this distance I put between myself and her brother, my aunt still worked to stay in my life. It was her effort that kept me from leaving the family for good after a particularly bad fall out when my biological father passed.
Back to the funeral slideshow.
The music sets the tone. Secular. Gospel. Country.
I have an important rule about slideshow music: no songs with steady radio play. No one wants the first time to hear a song from a funeral to be while you are in public picking produce for lunch the next day.
This being said, the song I so desperately wanted to add was “Wouldn’t it be nice” by the Beach Boys. When she first moved back to northeastern Oklahoma after her divorce she had a Beach Boys cassette tape in her car that we wore out. Regrettably I knew the Beach Boys would not sit well with everyone at the service, because most would not be aware of the connection.
How I found the right music.
I sat for hours googling and listening to songs about family, remembrance, ect. I asked friends and family what she was listening to in the last 10 years (all I could think of was Christmas music). At last, one of my great aunts mentioned Alan Jackson, older country, and gospel. Immediately I did a deep dive into Jackson’s music looking for something that fit my criteria. I settled on “Sissys Song”
Daughter, wife and mother
Makes no sense to me
I just have to believe
She flew up to Heaven on the wings of angels
By the clouds and stars and passed where no one sees
And she walks with Jesus and her loved ones waiting
And I know she’s smiling saying Don’t worry ’bout me
Alan Jackson • Sissys Song
In my deep dive I found Brad Paisleys song “When I get where I am going” featuring Dolly Parton
Yeah, when I get where I’m going
There’ll be only happy tears
I will shed the sins and struggles
I have carried all these years
And I’ll leave my heart wide open
I will love and have no fear
Yeah, when I get where I’m going
Don’t cry for me down here
Brad Paisley • When I get where I am going
The photos.
As I sorted through photos I searched for memories of laughter. Lucky for me over half the photos had her sticking out her tongue. This is how I think she should be remembered. As one lady said: “Yes, she was peculiar, but she was also caring.”
For those of us closest to her the past few years have been a struggle. At times it was like spending time with a pod person and then we would get a little glimmer of her normal behavior.
I think this is what is making coming to terms with her loss so difficult. We kept hoping there would be a magic cure and we could have her back.
Sharing memories.
As my family and I sat to sorting through photos it was helpful to see her happy and laughing. The stories told as we passed photos to each other was therapy. “Do you remember how happy she was to get that rabbit fur jacket?” “We even have photos of her walking down the aisle in a wedding with her tongue sticking out”. This is what I wanted the slideshow to convey. Happiness.
Again we did not go to our digital archives. We went to physical prints. There was never even a discussion about it. This was a bright spot in an otherwise difficult week. In the past I have blogged about how sorting through photos can help healing after the loss of a loved one. This time I was strongly reminded again. The other thing was one cousin saying I have photos that are on a CD, but none of us had a CD-Rom to pull them off with. The prints from 1960, we were able to look at them without a problem.
I have deliberately not included my cousin’s story in this blog post out of respect for his privacy. He too is coping with loss in his own way and I do not wish to make it more complicated than necessary. This blog post is simply my way to honor her memory with the words that I could not find at her service.
I have also deliberately not included the slideshow in its entirety. The music is copyrighted and I do not want to be accused of using it for personal gain.
